First off, I know I am rather lame for never doing anything in this.
Life's been crazy, but if you really want to know you know how you can get a hold of me.
So I am going to stick with the purpose of a web log, and well log some of my current thoughts.
While driving home from work today I was listening to NPR. They were doing a short commercial for This American Life (A great radio program on at noon, central, if you listen to the radio. If not download the podcast, they are absolutely life changing.) The promo was about a mother who is struggling with her memory, and her son who is struggling with a mother that never really showed his love to her. In a small brief sentence he spoke and said how his mother is 91 years old and is just now learning to say I love you while battling with her memory. This utterly blew me away. I thought back on all the times when I was a little kid when my mother would always say I love you to me and I would promptly say back "I love you too, mommy!" And even later in life how my mom would never end a conversation with out saying that she loved me, even if she sounded like she wanted to choke me out for some (probably good) reason.
Of course this lead to a slippery slope in my own mind, and I start analyzing the effect of my families affection to the person I am today. Am I addicted to the idea of love because of the affection that my family gave me while growing up? Anyone who knows me would say that I have a very tight knit family, even when it comes to cousins, grandparents, and etc. We all basically do the same thing. One thing I know I can always count on hearing is how much we all love each other and how we would pull the moon from the stars if we had to for each other. But, did this show of affection that honestly in my opinion is a great characteristic in my family lead to what is a problem with myself? I can't say it is a real problem now, but in past I have fallen sick from losing a girl that I claimed to love, and in the relationships themselves I seem to want to incorporate the idea of love so quickly in things and usually get the girl to be spectacularly happy with the idea, or running for the hills. I mean for me saying it does not mean "Hey let's get married" to me it's just a stronger meaning of affection that can't be expressed by any other word. From what I hear from others that word can be seen as a death knell for some relationships, others it seems to be the precursor for a marriage proposal. I don't even know what it is for me, it is not like a crucial step for me, it seems to be the best way for me, in words, to display me true level of affection for the person that I care for.
Honestly I have no idea why this triggered me to write in this, it has been such a long time since I have done anything and for all the topics in the world that I choose the write about it had to be this. Odd huh?
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1 comment:
Hey,
That's so refreshing for the guy to be expressing his feelings like that. In my, ex-Soviet culture, men don't do that. It's an eternal paradox when people want to be loved and worshiped yet when it happens, they get scared and run away. I think it triggers some sort of hunter reflex in human beings, when the first duck is on the way to the ground, our eyes are already fixed on the next one in the sky. He surest way to strike a balance here is to find a girl from a love deprived background. Worked in my case, so keep the chin up!
Life's been crazy, but if you really want to know you know how you can get a hold of me.
So I am going to stick with the purpose of a web log, and well log some of my current thoughts.
While driving home from work today I was listening to NPR. They were doing a short commercial for This American Life (A great radio program on at noon, central, if you listen to the radio. If not download the podcast, they are absolutely life changing.) The promo was about a mother who is struggling with her memory, and her son who is struggling with a mother that never really showed his love to her. In a small brief sentence he spoke and said how his mother is 91 years old and is just now learning to say I love you while battling with her memory. This utterly blew me away. I thought back on all the times when I was a little kid when my mother would always say I love you to me and I would promptly say back "I love you too, mommy!" And even later in life how my mom would never end a conversation with out saying that she loved me, even if she sounded like she wanted to choke me out for some (probably good) reason.
Of course this lead to a slippery slope in my own mind, and I start analyzing the effect of my families affection to the person I am today. Am I addicted to the idea of love because of the affection that my family gave me while growing up? Anyone who knows me would say that I have a very tight knit family, even when it comes to cousins, grandparents, and etc. We all basically do the same thing. One thing I know I can always count on hearing is how much we all love each other and how we would pull the moon from the stars if we had to for each other. But, did this show of affection that honestly in my opinion is a great characteristic in my family lead to what is a problem with myself? I can't say it is a real problem now, but in past I have fallen sick from losing a girl that I claimed to love, and in the relationships themselves I seem to want to incorporate the idea of love so quickly in things and usually get the girl to be spectacularly happy with the idea, or running for the hills. I mean for me saying it does not mean "Hey let's get married" to me it's just a stronger meaning of affection that can't be expressed by any other word. From what I hear from others that word can be seen as a death knell for some relationships, others it seems to be the precursor for a marriage proposal. I don't even know what it is for me, it is not like a crucial step for me, it seems to be the best way for me, in words, to display me true level of affection for the person that I care for.
Honestly I have no idea why this triggered me to write in this, it has been such a long time since I have done anything and for all the topics in the world that I choose the write about it had to be this. Odd huh?
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